White Lies

This week’s Torah portion Vayeira includes one of my favorite segments of dialogue in the Torah because it is truthful, funny and utterly human. In the portion, three visitors come to Abraham and Sarah, who are now 90 and 100 years old, and announce that Sarah, who has been barren, will have a son in one year’s time.

Sarah laughs to herself and thinks “Now that I am withered, will I have pleasure with my husband so old?” The word “pleasure” has sexuality connotations; it shares a root with the word “Eden” and literally means delight. Sarah is laughing at the thought of physical intimacy between herself and Abraham.

God, a character in this legend, relays Sarah’s thoughts to Abraham. But, makes a little alteration. The character God says, “Sarah laughed thinking ‘Am I really going to bear a child when I have become so old?’” In this subtle change of wording, Sarah’s laughter is not about potentially Abraham’s sexual performance but about Sarah’s ability to have a child. It is still personal, but much more easily accepted and less intimating for Abraham. You could say that God is the lead character in the Torah, and God tells a white lie here.

This little legendary episode has opened up discussion in our tradition about the power of speech and how to preserve dignity. It gives tacit acceptance of “little white lies” – ones that save dignity and avoid strife. Typically, we think of truth-telling as a pre-eminent value. And, in most cases it is, but this story speaks to balance between honesty and heart, truth and family peace, being upfront and being diplomatic. It speaks to the fact that sometimes the whole truth does not need to be shared to preserve trust and peace in our relationships.

Isaac, the son who is born a year later, is named for the Hebrew word Yitzchak or laughter. He carries with him Sarah’s multi-layered laughter throughout his life, pointing to the complexity of our relationships and the power of language.

Rabbi Cohen